Epic Fail: When Beyonce Met Fugly and Couldn’t Kill It

Posted on February 7, 2013 by

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Image by Ezra Shaw / Getty Images

A few days ago, Beyonce entertained human beings the world over (as well as her deranged group of die-hard fans) with a fierce, rock ‘n roll, fear inducing, crotch banging, sweat dripping performance at the Super Bowl half-time show. Unfortunately, what Beyonce didn’t want all those who saw her performance to know was that being that fierce and that rock ‘n roll also meant that at some moments during the performance, she would look freaking ugly.

Buzzfeed, as a truly humanitarian organisation, decided to take the rose-tinted glasses off the faces of all humanity by giving greater insight into what being Sasha Fierce really means. They published several photographs of Beyonce mid-dance move, mid-grunt and mid-grimace. Saying those pictures were unpretty would be an understatement. This act of war was greeted with an email from Queen Bey’s publicist demanding that the pictures be taken down for fear of them ruining her boss’s sexy, fierce, yet angelically beautiful image. Her request went unheeded and Buzzfeed proceeded to put up another post emphasising just how fugly Beyonce could be. What a shitfest for camp Bey.

A few pearls of wisdom to Queen Bey and her publicist.

1. Never ask a website that put up unflattering pictures of you without giving a rats ass what you think, to take down those pictures. They probably still don’t give a rats ass what you think.

2. Being fierce requires a certain level of ugliness. Imagine Tina Turner without the grunt face or the crazy leg or Aristide Bance (striker for the Burkina Faso national football team) without the golden dreadlocks or the post goal celebratory grimace… Impossible. So dear Bey, take the fugly with the fierce.

3. The phrase ‘dutty wind’ said several times, followed by an ‘uhhh’ and a ‘let me hear you’ does not constitute singing. That said, your performance was typical Beyonce – hard work and exertion well executed.

4. Finally, its not cool to reduce the volume on the microphones of your co-performers in order to make you sound louder & better (re: Kelly & Michelle). So take this backlash to your publicists inane request as karma, beeatch!

For more hair-raising Beyonce photographs, visit Buzzfeed here and here.

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